Restless Spirit

Okay.  I’m listening, Lord.  You have my attention.  Teach me, lead me, show me.  I want to give all for you.

It was a beautiful morning as I rode my bike to the office, and the above is a summary of my prayer this morning.

God is trying to get my attention.  I know because I’ve been here before.  It’s that restless spirit.  I realize that I’ve been in a rut.  I’m doing nothing bigger than myself.  There has to be more to ministry than what I’m doing because nothing I’m doing requires supernatural strength.  As I rode the bike home yesterday, I was a little down in the dumps in my heart, though I hid it fairly well.  At least, I think I did.  I feel like I should be doing more.  I feel ineffective.  Yes, I realize that some of it could be spiritual warfare.  However, I think most of it is God’s nudging.  As I rode home, I reflected on some things God has brought my way recently.  Yesterday, I received a devotional by email on daring to dream.  I’ve seen two quotes this week that point toward what I wrote in my post, “Sailing the High Seas or Safe in the Harbor.”  One of them said:  “RISK – You cannot discover new oceans unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore.”  The other one was a Mark Twain quote that said, “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”  Previous experience tells me that when it’s this intense and my heart is thumping and alive, it’s God.

Soon after I got home, we rushed off to a teeball game, and then to a softball game.  The kids played with a lot of heart, but we came up a little short again.  I began to question my ability as a co-coach to take this team to the next level.  Of course, the enemy uses that to trigger thoughts of inadequacy all the way around.  Then, we went to the ballpark to watch a friend’s 10 year old boy play baseball.  Being there, with my son, was a pretty awesome and overwhelming feeling.  Wow, did memories from my childhood flood back.  I had memories of my cousin and I taking on the neighborhood kids – 2 against how many ever they could muster.  We were undefeated.  I had memories of pitching to my uncle (yes, the “glove that fit” uncle) and him telling me he wished I could pitch for my cousin’s little league team (good ol’ fashioned confidence builder).  We had big dreams back then of playing in the majors.  I never even got to play on an organized baseball team.  I grew up thinking, “I wouldn’t have been good enough, anyway.”  It’s the whole manhood question that John Eldredge talks about.  Every man has a question in his heart, “Do I have what it takes?”  We spend our lives trying to get this question answered…  Anyway, we got home, and I turned on the tv just in time to see that the Celtics had plastered the Lakers by 39 points.  Yep, just like the old days.  Fitting end to a somewhat downer day of reflecting on boyhood.  Why all these reflections on my boyhood??  I don’t know, but this week has been full of memories.  Maybe God wants to revive that adventurous spirit… 

Then, the storm hit at 3:50 a.m.  After we shut windows, got the dog in the garage, comforted our son who woke up during it all, and checked the tv to see what we were in for, my wife and I were wide awake.  We had been trying to find a time to watch a movie that we borrowed – Second Hand Lions.  Yes, I know we are behind the times.  In fact, if you ask us, “Have you seen…” we can probably answer “no” before you finish the sentence.  Anyway, this seemed like just as good a time as any.  I wasn’t prepared for a movie of this caliber.  I was not prepared to soak in all that it would teach me.  I wasn’t prepared to be affected this way so early in the morning.  What a movie!  What a message!  I wish someone had given me that speech on how a boy becomes a man.  With too many things in life, we feel our way through, where a good mentor could help us chart the waters more effectively.  I wish we could have heard the whole speech instead of “just a piece.”  “People are basically good.  Honor, courage, and virtue mean everything.  Money and power, power and money mean nothing.  Good always triumphs over evil.  True love never dies – don’t forget that boy.  A man should believe in those things because those are the things worth believing in.”  I want more of that speech!!!  At least my son is only two, and I have a few years to develop that speech for him!  Every boy needs a “Hub” in his life to keep him grounded and set him straight.  In a perfect world, it would be his dad.  Of course, God brings along other mentors, too.  Anyway, a man who will whip a bunch of cocky teenagers and then take the time to teach them how to fight and give them “the manhood speech” is a man’s man.  One of the most impactful parts of the movie for me is when the lion died.  Oh man…  Hub said she died with her boots on, doing what she was born to do…  She was being a lion!!  She died happy.  She died out of true love.  Then, later, when Walter found out that his uncles had died trying to fly their biplane upside down through the barn at the age of 90 and the sheriff said, “They died with their boots on,” I about lost it.  Finally, at the end, when the Shiek’s grandson said to the grown Walter, “so these two men really lived, huh?”, Walter said, “Yeah, they really lived…,” both men at that moment were hit with the reality that the stories were true.  I’m sure this hammered the whole manhood speech further home for Walter. 

For me, today, it boils down to this.  I want to really live.  I want to die with my boots on.  I don’t want to live a life of mediocrity.  I want to lose sight of the shore, and go where the adventure is.  When I’m long gone (buried in the cornfield next to the lion), I want my children and grandchildren to talk about how dad took risks and made an impact in their lives and in the lives of others.  I want them to see faith in action as I seek to do God’s work.  I don’t want “retirement” to be part of my vocabulary.  At least, not retirement from true ministry.  Not the type of retirement where people drive an RV all over the country fishing, playing golf, and playing shuffleboard.  I want my life to count.  I want to be a part of things that only God can accomplish – things that are bigger than myself.  Where is the action and adventure part to our faith?  What has happened to serving in the power of the Spirit like Noah, Abraham, David, Daniel, John, Paul, Barnabas, Stephen, and the other heroes of the faith?

May God give you a restless spirit for the things He wants you to do, clear direction on what that is, and then the faith and courage to make it happen!

Well, Lord, there it is.  I have said it, and have made it public.  Please give me clear direction and help me to act on it in the power and grace that you so generously provide!  May we abide in You and bear lasting fruit!