Ten Key Moves – Dating My Wife

Well, here is the ninth move on my list of “Ten Key Moves” from Men’s Fraternity.  I believe it is one of the most important moves, but has been the most difficult to implement because of our busy schedule and and to a lesser degree, financial restraints.  It states, “<My wife’s name> and I will have a regular date night and at least one get-away per year without the children.  We will set aside time most evenings to talk.  I will let her know at all times that I love her, not just when I’m “feeling” loved.” 

Part of knowing my wife is to know her primary love language.  Without a doubt, her love language is “Quality Time.”  I’ve also learned in Love and Respect that one way to speak love to a woman is through closeness, which means face-to-face time.  God has blessed me with the gift of listening, so it is not hard for me to do.  We just find it difficult to find an uninterrupted time to spend talking.  We really need to set aside a regular time for this, but for now we just take advantage of whatever time we can.  For instance, this morning worked out for us.  We had some great “talk time” about all the deals she has been finding using her coupons.  She is also excited about a class that she and a friend are going to begin teaching on couponing and deal finding.  So, while talking about coupons is not my favorite subject, I am excited to see her excited and I care about the things she cares about.  I want to know what is going on in her world.  I’m also excited and very appreciative over the fact that she has already cut our monthly budget by $100 and has a goal of cutting it by $100 more.  I’m sure some of the things I get excited over don’t really interest her, but she is interested in me, so she listens.  I think that makes a huge difference for both of us. 

Anyway, not only will this be fun because we truly enjoy spending time together, it will continue to strengthen our marriage and will be good for our children.  If our relationship is strong, our children will have a more solid foundation for their future relationships.  Besides, when they are long gone, we will still have each other.  I don’t want to wake up one day with the kids all gone and realize she and I have no relationship anymore.  She is my best friend, the love of my life, and I do not want to neglect her.

So, I purpose to put God first and my wife next in priority

May God strengthen marriages in our fast-paced world, as we seek to put Him first.

Ten Key Moves – Family Vacation

With all the hits on my “Ten Key Moves” posts, it has reminded me that I need to finish listing them out.  There are still three key moves that I haven’t written about.  My next one is written like this: “We will take a week-long vacation each year, even if it’s close to home.”

I remembered reading one of Mark Merrill’s Family Minute articles, and went to my archives to pull it out.  It was from June 20, 2008 and contained this statement: “Best-selling author and psychologist Mary Pipher says there are three things that we usually remember with great happiness from our childhood—time outdoors, vacations and family meals.”  As I look back, I can totally agree with this.  We took a family vacation every year.  It was a time where my stepdad would cut loose and have fun.  It was a time where we didn’t worry as much about money because we had saved for the trip all year. 

I remember numerous trips to Yellowstone.  We always “had” to be there by June 15 when Yellowstone Lake would open for fishing.  All of our vacations were centered around somehow at least spending some time in Yellowstone each summer.  I still view Yellowstone as one of God’s masterpieces.  There are just so many ways to experience God’s beauty and creativity there.

One year we went to Glacier National Park at the northern border of Montana.  Another year, after going to Yellowstone, we went home via Utah and saw the Great Salt Lake, Zion National Park, and other sites…  In 1990, the year I graduated from high school, we spent four weeks and drove roundtrip from Abilene, TX to Alaska.  Our van broke down in Amarillo, TX.  It was going to be 2-3 weeks before we could get a part, so my stepdad bought a new Aerostar.  We put over 10,000 miles on it the first month…  I can still recall those images of Mt. McKinley and seeing a grizzly bear, wolves, and some elk on the same hillside using binoculars.  I have great memories of rafting down the Gulkana river and fishing for King Salmon.  That is still the biggest fish I have ever caught.  Alaska is also the first and only place I have ever tried to water ski… not one of my best moments.   One night, we fished until 2:00 a.m. and my stepdad still had his sunglasses on because it was around summer solstice.  Those memories come back like they happened yesterday.  I have a longing to revisit some of those places.  My love for the mountains was born on those trips.

Vacations are a great way to get away from everything and really focus on our families, if we just will.  We need to take a break from our incredibly busy schedules and enjoy life.  Vacations are one way to do this. 

I want my children to have great family vacation memories.  They still talk about the time we spent four days at Red River Ranch Retreat in Oklahoma.  We spent time swimming, riding horses, fishing, canoeing, and just having good family fun.  They also talk about the time we went to see some friends in Virginia and spent a few days in Washington, D.C.  We saw many of the places they are talking about in their history and social studies classes.  Last year, gas prices were so high, and we got so busy with softball, summer camps, etc… that we really didn’t take a true vacation.  It will have to be a priority that we plan, budget for, and put on the calendar to protect it.  But, from experience, it will be worth it to make this one of my ten key moves in winning at home.

May God bless you as you make great family memories!

Ten Key Moves – Spiritual Leadership

I have had a lot of hits the past several days on my Ten Key Moves posts.  Being familiar with the Men’s Fraternity schedule, this doesn’t surprise me.  I am thankful for this because it has encouraged me to get out my list and take some time to review and reflect.  By the way, you can read all of the key moves I’ve written about under the category on my home page “10 Key Moves.”  Thanks for reading.

In reviewing my list, I see that I left out something very critical.  It’s something I’ve been working on, but is not on my list.  It has to do with my spiritual leadership at home, and I’m adding it now to be stated like this, “I will continue to grow so I will be a strong spiritual leader in my home.  I will lead family devotion and prayer times.  I will pray with my wife and children individually on a regular basis.  I will take every opportunity to teach and to lead by example, including finding opportunities for us to serve together.  I will encourage my family to pursue God individually, utilizing the spiritual disciplines that He has given us.”

In order for this to happen, I must be passionately pursuing God.  I cannot lead my family or anyone else spiritually if I am not growing.  In addition, I have to make it happen by setting aside a regular time and place where we will come together for family devotions and prayer.  Otherwise, it will be too easy to let other things take priority.

In my sermon this past Sunday I spoke about the need to be a disciple in order to make disciples.  An older couple in our church told me afterward that their 40 year old son told them that he remembers seeing his dad reading the Bible at the kitchen table and said it made such an impact on him.  That made me stop and think.  My time with God is usually spent in the early morning hours down in our basement before my family is even awake…

Okay.  With all this said, I would like to share something that I learned while preparing for my sermon.  I’ll give you the shortened version.  Have you ever heard the term “the apple of the eye?”  Usually, it is an endearing term used for someone we care about a lot, especially one of our children.   It can be found in the Bible in about four places, depending on what version you look at:  Deuteronomy 32:10, Psalm 17:8, Proverbs 7:2, and Zechariah 2:8.  Interestingly enough, it can also be translated “the pupil of the eye.”  It comes from the Hebrew phrase iyshown ayin, which means “little man of the eye.”  Have you ever looked into the pupil of someone’s eye.  You will see a small image of yourself.  In English the word pupil comes from the Latin word pupilla, or doll, which is derived from pupus or pupa (boy or girl, respectively).  Therefore, we use the term pupil to mean a student (small version of the teacher) or the black part of the eye where we see a reflection of our own image. 

I learned this as I was studying what it meant to be a disciple.  One of the definitions given for disciple is pupil.  As the word pupil means “little man of the eye” in Hebrew, we need to become little versions of our teacher (little men of our teacher’s eye).  That is what it means to become a disciple.  We should be so close to our Teacher that, in a spiritual sense, we can see our reflection in His eyes.  In addition, He should see Himself reflected in our lives.  In Jesus’ time, a disciple was one who was trying to become like his Rabbi in every sense.  He would not only be trying to gain knowledge, but would try to do everything the Rabbi did.  As disciples of Jesus, we need to learn to be like Him in every sense.  We need to have the knowledge, but we also need to live like He lived, doing the things He did.  When we do this, then we are equipped to make disciples, and it begins in our homes.

May God bless you as you seek to be a true disciple of Jesus Christ and lead others to do the same!

Ten Key Moves – Peace and Organization

It has been over three months since I have written about one of my Ten Key Moves.  I’ll attempt to give a little update on my first five.  I’m not doing as well on “The Notebook” as I would like.  I got it started, but have not been diligent in adding to it.  Even with that, I believe I have been trying harder to be a student of my wife.  She is an awesome woman, and I want to do my part in making our marriage stronger.  We will be going to a Love and Respect marriage conference this weekend, which was one of my goals under this key move.  We are looking forward to it.  It is better to do maintenance along the way than an overhaul later.  As for the budget, it is going really well.  Things are still tight, but I’m seeing the fruit of putting back money for future expenses.  My wife is doing a great job of cutting expenses where she can.  Just this past month, she cut our grocery / household budget by $100.  Being on a budget has really helped with my whole peace of mind.  As for being intentional in spending time with my children, I am still not where I want to be.  I am trying to take more opportunities to spend time with my them, but I still want to do more one-on-one time.  I’m hoping this key move that I’m writing about today will help with this one.  Next, I feel like God is helping me to discover my gifting and allowing me to serve in areas where I can really make a difference.  I did not feel that I was gifted in the area of children’s ministry, and God made a way for me to hand those duties off to someone much more capable and begin to do some other things in the area of family ministry.  I am also teaching a class on spiritual disciplines, which is really exciting.  Lastly, back in June, I wrote that I would seek out a spiritual mentor.  After prayer and fasting, God has led me to ask a man named Dean Trune to do this.  He has agreed, and our first meeting will take place by phone tomorrow.  He is the Executive Director of Impact Ministries.  I have incredible respect for him because I see the fruit in his life that comes from his walk with God.  I believe God will use him to prune me toward more and lasting fruit.

The sixth key move is stated like this, “I will strive to move toward peace and organization in my life rather than chaos and busyness.  As part of this, I will take a spiritual retreat day once per month.”  From my personality tests (and from knowing myself), it is evident that I get my energy from times of solitude.  I enjoy peace and quiet.   Give me the quiet country over the busy city anyday!  I especially enjoy my early morning times with God.  If I have my choice, I spend time with God outdoors.  Of course, if really given the choice, it would be in the mountains next to a stream…  I do not thrive in chaos.  I can’t stand not being able to find things and being disorganized.  Somehow, though, in all of the busyness of life, I now find myself in this position.  Clutter, clutter, clutter…  We even bought a book about reducing clutter once, but it’s at the bottom of a stack somewhere…  One of the things that kills me the most is that it’s rubbing off on our children.  I can’t, with a clear conscience, tell them to clean their room when I haven’t taken care of mine.  When I was in high school, my room was impecable.  I cleaned and organized regularly.  In college, my dorm room was the same way.  However, life got really busy, and I didn’t keep up.  

Almost two weeks ago I couldn’t sleep and so I got up about 1:30 a.m. to spend time with God.  As I prayed, I was prompted to look at my “listening journal.”  As I looked back over the year and what God has been teaching me, there is one key theme that has stuck out all year.  It began on January 4, and has continued to today, and that is the theme of peace and organization over chaos and busyness.  God keeps reminding me as I read His Word and as I look around that His way is that of peace and order.  I don’t think He intended for us to go through life 100 mph getting worn out and burned out with no time to take care of the important things.  I also realize that with four children under the age of 10, life is going to be busy.  However, I believe we can find a balance if we are disciplined and purposeful.  

This will definitely be a process, and I’m not going to be so naive as to believe that it will change overnight.  I do believe it will change, though, with God’s help.

May God give you peace and order in your life as you seek Him!

Ten Key Moves – Mentors

I have a two-fold purpose behind this post.  First of all, it has been awhile since I have listed one of my ten key moves, and now seems like the right time for this one.  The key move is stated this way:  “I will make it a point to find mentors and learn from them.  I will pass on this knowledge by mentoring others.”  Secondly, I want to honor my own mentors.

Let me begin by saying that even those who had great dads (or parents for that matter) will benefit from learning from mentors.  We dads don’t know everything, and can only take our children so far in life.  My stepdad was great in teaching me discipline, was very intelligent academically, and was among the best in his field as a music teacher.  His choirs sang at St. Patrick’s Cathedral among many other places.  However, that’s just it.  He was a music major and I went into the field of agriculture in college.  He could only take me so far.  The same goes for my Grandpa and Uncle, whom I have spoken of before.  God uses many people to help shape us, if we will only stop and learn from them.

The Bible gives us many examples of mentoring relationships:  Jethro to Moses / Moses to Joshua / Elijah to Elisha / Paul to Timothy / and Jesus to his disciples to name a few.  Dr. Howard Hendricks, in his book As Iron Sharpens Iron, lists ten marks of a good mentor.  I am going to list those for you here:

1. This man clearly has what you personally need.
2. He chooses to cultivate a relationship with you.
3. He is willing to take a chance on you.
4. He is respected by other men.
5. He has a network of resources.
6. He is consulted by others.
7. He both talks and listens.
8. He is consistent in his lifestyle
9. He is able to diagnose your real needs.
10. He is concerned with your interests.

I would like to tell you about a mentor who fit this description perfectly – yes, all 10 points and more.  We all called (and still call) him “Doc,” and the impact he has made on my life is incredible.  When I was a Junior in high school, I took an animal science class.  Through that, I joined the FFA Meat Judging Team.  Honestly, when I first started, I didn’t have a clue.  I saw a picture of a cubed steak and called it ground beef.  Anyway, I judged for two years and ended up placing second at the Texas State Meat Judging Contest as a Senior.  When I went to college at West Texas A&M University, I went as a pre-vet major.  However, after taking the animal science class under Doc, I decided to change my major to animal / meat science.  I was assigned to an adviser, and guess who it was?  You got it - Doc.  I remember the first ”formal” meeting we had.  Fortunately, I had done really well in his class.  In this meeting, he basically asked me what I wanted to do when I grew up.  I asked him if he thought I would ever be able to be a USDA meat grader.  He looked at me with his characteristic grin and said, “You could be the boss of the graders.”  In another conversation we had on down the road, we were talking about salaries.  I wandered if I would ever be able to make $50,000 a year (which sounded like a huge amount to me as a college student).  His response was this, “Someday, you’ll make $150,000 a year.”  Little did he know I would leave the meat industry and go into ministry.   This man spoke life into me.  Since I had such high regard and respect for him in the meat science field, his encouragement meant the world to me.  He was my “coach” who would stand on the sidelines and root me on.  He was the one who would tell me I could do it, no matter what “it” was. 

Ironically, my stepdad and I had a falling out the summer after my Sophomore year, so I didn’t go home for the summer.  I lived with my grandparents, and found a “job” selling Cutco knives.  That lasted 3 weeks, and I made a whopping $136, which was barely enough to cover the cost of my sales kit.  The only reason I made that much was because Grandma felt sorry for me and bought the super deluxe set with all the bells and whistles for somewhere in the neighborhood of $800!  I remember going over to one family’s house, and working really hard to sell a set of knives.  I ended up selling them one measely spoon.  That’s when I decided I better find another line of work.  On top of that, I had just made a really stupid decision to sell my ‘84 Escort that was paid for to buy a sporty ‘89 Olds Cutlass Calais.  Needless to say, I needed a job fast!  I went “crawling” into Doc’s office and asked if he had any work for me at the research center.  Just a side note – he later shared with me that when he saw my car he thought I was a spoiled rich kid.  He only told me that after he found out it was far from the truth. :-)  Anyway, he put me to work 40 hours per week right away.  I got more experience working for Doc than I could have ever received in a classroom.  He believed in me, and gave me a lot of responsibility as a college student.  I received both my B.S. and M.Ag under him.  While doing so, I oversaw data collection crews, and ended up going to over 20 different meat packing plants in 3 countries and collecting data on tens of thousands of cattle.  Doc would often go out of the country on consulting work, and leave me in charge.  I was also the student manager of the meat lab and coach of the meat judging team.   As a Graduate Assistant, I would often teach his meat science class in his absence, and was eventually given the title of Assistant Director of the Cattlemen’s Carcass Data Service.  Please don’t take any of this as boasting – this is the power of having an incredible mentor who believed in me and gave me opportunities.  At least once per week, he would take me to lunch so we could talk “business.”  He would work it so I could go on most of the out of state trips with him, and even a few out of country trips.  He would always check to see how I was doing and if he was overworking me.  He cared about me as a person.  We went to his house many times.  My wife and I traveled with him and his wife to Pennsylvania to a conference, where I received an award from the American Meat Science Association that he nominated me for.  He made sure and took us up to Niagara Falls on that trip, just for fun.  He would never let me pay for anything.  This man taught me way more than meat science.  He taught me about life.  He is such a wise man, and I thank God that Doc didn’t keep all that wisdom to himself, but emparted some to me.  

Stay with me, this is the cool part.  At one point, Doc gave me a mission.  That mission was to find and train my replacement.  There was a young man (we’ll call him T.L.) taking our meat science class, and was acing the tests.  He was also very gung-ho in doing the labs.  I told Doc that this guy would be my replacement.  T.L. wanted to be a rodeo cowboy and a welder, if my memory serves me correctly.  Well, I convinced T.L. to join the first meat judging team that I coached and to join us in collecting data at the research center.  Soon, he became my right hand man at the research center, and was eventually my co-leader and co-coach.  Not to mention, we became very close friends.  He took over when I left and went on to get his Masters and Ph.D.  Here’s the part of the story that I love though – Doc retired a few years ago and T.L. moved back to Texas to assume Doc’s position as professor of meat science at the university!!  Is that not cool or what?  I joked with Doc that little did we know when I found my replacement, I had also found his!! 

I probably went into more detail than most of you wanted to read, but I couldn’t help it.  I hope that everyone at some point has a Doc in their life.  He taught me so much and my life is richer because of it.  I have other mentors who have helped me in my spiritual walk and in being a husband and father.  These men have set a high bar for me, and I still look to them for wisdom.  I am always on the lookout for other mentors who are willing to teach me.  Along with that, I want to mentor others and give them what has been given to me.  I want to speak life into the boys and girls of our ministry to single parent families.  I want to speak life into young fathers and encourage them in a world that makes it very difficult to be godly.  I want to encourage single parents and young families.  Goodness, I want to encourage anyone I can.  Not because I think I’m qualified, but because others have helped me, and it is my heart to return that favor by serving others.  I am on this earth to serve and be as much like Jesus (the ultimate teacher and mentor) as I can be.  Thank you to all those who have mentored me. 

May God bring mentors into your life and may He use you to speak truth and life into someone else’s life!

Ten Key Moves – Do Not Neglect Your Gift

This morning, I read 1 Timothy 4.  I was really struck by vs. 14 where Paul writes to Timothy not to neglect his spiritual gift.  I have more that I want to write on chapter 4, but it reminded me of one of my ”Ten Key Moves”, so I will write on that first.  The Key Move is written, “I will compile and evaluate what I have learned from the personality tests, aptitude tests, spiritual gift tests, etc…that I have taken, so I will know how God has made me and what my gifts are.  Then, I will seek to strengthen these areas and use what God has given me to serve Him and help others.”  Robert Lewis said that one of the work energizers is to have the right personal assessment.  In other words, we should know ourselves.  He also said that 80% of men say that are in a job that is not the right fit!  If we will take the time to know who we are and how we are created, and explore careers, ministries, hobbies, etc… that fit our ”bent” we will be energized beyond belief.  When I was working in the meat industry, I had a longing to be in the ministry.  I actually took a class sponsored by our company, where we took a Myers-Briggs Personality Test.  Basically, it confirmed what I was sensing.  I was not in a career that fit.  Yes, I was doing well and the money was good, but it was zapping my energy.  I did not enjoy it.  The test told me that a career in teaching, serving, or helping people would be a better fit.  Then, God orchestrated it perfectly for me to be able to enter the ministry.  Now, I’m trying to tweek it even more because there are so many facets of ministry.  I want to be serving and using my gifts in ministry in such a way that God is glorified and that I make the most impact for the Kingdom.  Wouldn’t it be great, to help our high school students work through this before they go off to college!?  A lot of wasted time, energy, and heartache would be spared.  Anyway, no matter the age, there are a great number of resources to help a person do this.  I know too many people who are stuck in a “job,” and they are biding their time until retirement or the next thing comes along.  This is sad, and is not the way God wants us to live.  A long time ago, when I was having a hard time finding purpose and contentment in my career, God gave me this verse:  Colossians 3:23 - ”Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men…”  Wherever we are, we need to be working as if working for the Lord.  This becomes a whole lot easier when we know ourselves and are doing something that fits our personality, gifts, and abilities.  This goes for our work and for our volunteer service.  So, I encourage you to dig in and learn who you really are and what makes you tick.  May God bless you as you explore and discover your unique design! 

Ten Key Moves – Time With My Children

This is the third Key Move that I would like to share with you:  “I will be intentional about spending time with my children both individually and collectively.  I will take each of my daughters on a date at least once per quarter, just the two of us.  I will discover each child’s unique personalities and love languages, and then do things that are special and unique for each one.”

This goes right along with two of my other posts:  “We Slid Down Together” and “You’re Gonna Miss This”.  To reinforce this, the other day my oldest daughter asked if we could do something together, just the two of us.  As I got to thinking, I realized it had been awhile.  I used to be better about one-on-one time before there were four of them!  It seems that my son is pretty high maintenance right now, and takes a lot of our time.  In other words, if someone isn’t watching him at all times, the world may truly be in jeopardy!   Anyway, I have had several reminders recently to show me that this is an important “Key Move”.  It may mean I have to go swimming more this summer, but I’ll do it for them.

In Men’s Fraternity, we learned the things that our children want us to know.  I won’t share all of those things, but I’ll list some of them that struck me the most:

1. “I need you to know my personality and honor it.  The sooner, the better.”
2. “I need you to discover my bent (giftedness) and actively support it.”
3. “I need you to know that too much is too much.”  a.  Too much control crushes or incites.  b.  Too much money spoils and pacifies.  c.  Too high expectations discourage.
4. “I need you to know you can wound me for a lifetime.”
5. “I need you to make some great memories with me to live on.”

In spending time with each of them, I hope to discover more about their personalities, giftedness, love languages, likes and dislikes, and I want to create some great memories.  I think it’s easier to get in their world now and stay there than to try to get in later when they are teens.  I have a good relationship with my kids, and I want it to continue to grow. 

Anyway, my oldest and I are going on a date this afternoon to see Prince Caspian, and are really looking forward to it.  May God bless you as you strive to honor Him in your parenting!

Ten Key Moves – Budget

Budgeting is the second of my 10 Key Moves that I would like to discuss.  Due to economically stressful times caused by the rising costs of so many things, this is one we had to implement quickly in order to navigate our family through the rough waters.  Without it, we would continue to pull from savings until we were in a real bind.  On my Ten Key Moves sheet it reads like this, ”God is our Provider, and we will trust Him to provide for our needs.  We will honor Him and do our part by developing and maintaining a detailed budget that reflects Biblical financial principles, including tithing, helping the less fortunate, preparing for future expenses and unexpected emergencies, being a good steward, providing for the needs of our family, and becoming debt free.”  We had learned a great deal from Crown Financial Ministries about Biblical financial principles, including budgeting, but had become lax about using a budget.  This had to change in order to keep us financially healthy.  I have added a link to the Crown website on my blog home page.  I also have some books listed on my “Recommended Books” page.

First of all, my wife and I had to be on the same page, so we worked on all of this together.  Before I go into detail, I just want to say that she has done a phenomenal job of working within the budget and finding ways to save and cut back.  Without teamwork, this will not work! 

We learned early on that our budget had to reflect reality.  As Robert Lewis said, we first had to face the facts.  For example, it is easy to ignore those bills that are paid once a quarter or once a year until they come due, but then it’s panic time.  Just because they do not come due this month does not mean we shouldn’t be putting some money aside to pay them later.  The reality is, unless Jesus comes back before then, they will be due and we need to be prepared!  We had gotten to a point where we would just pull from savings when we had more month than money left.  The trouble was, we weren’t putting anything back.  Logic says that eventually it will run out! 

I began to pray that God would show us how to develop a budget that would honor Him.  I prayed that He would show us where we could cut back and where we could save, and I continue to pray that prayer.  He is our Provider, and will take care of our needs.  So, the first thing we did was to track our spending down to the dollar for a month.   This helped with determining month to month expenses.  With utilities, which vary greatly from month to month, we looked at the history and came up with an average.  Then, we tried to come up with all of those expenses that are once a quarter or once a year.  We took those and divided by 12.  Then, we looked at those things that were irregular like house repairs, car repairs, medical expenses, and activities for the kids such as swimming lessons and camp, and tried to put an amount each month for those.  I put all of this information along with our income information into a spreadsheet.  The very first line item on the spreadsheet is our tithe.  We believe in giving at least 10% to God off the top.  We want to give Him our best, not our left overs.  We want to give out of faith, which means giving to Him first, not when we realize that we’re going to be “okay” this month.  We learned this principle several years ago as we were growing in our faith, and God has always taken care of our needs.  I could tell you story after story of this, and may some day.  Upon writing our budget the first time, the expenses were more than the income, so we had to cut back some of those areas that were somewhat flexible like house repairs, groceries, etc… until we had a balanced budget.  Since then, we have found more ways to save and cut back, but we have had to use some of that to add to line items such as “gasoline.”  Imagine that!! 

One thing we have done as a result of this budget process is to implement an envelope system.  I know that Crown and Dave Ramsey both recommend this.  We are using cash or certificates that we purchase that spend like cash for groceries, gasoline, and several other miscellaneous items.  This has proven to be very good.  First of all, we don’t spend as much.  It’s easy to put stuff on a debit card and lose track of our spending.  There is a lot of psychology behind this, too, that I won’t go into. 

I was inspired by a good friend on our next step.  To keep up with the items that aren’t monthly, I developed a spreadsheet for our savings account with different “subaccounts,” so that we can transfer money each month into the various designated funds within the savings account.  Fortunately, we had money in savings to help cover those things that came due before we had a year to build it up, such as car tags that are due this month.  For next year, that money will accumulate and we’ll be able to transfer the money when needed and not have to worry.  We even have a subaccount for utilities, so when the utilities are below average, we will put money back for those times when they are above average.  Also, I get paid every 2 weeks, so there are two months out of the year that I get three paychecks.  Since our budget is set on a monthly basis, those paychecks will go directly to savings and be designated to cover expenses that can’t be covered out of the monthly budget, such as family trips, school books, Christmas gifts, emergency fund etc…

Anyway, we are a few months into it, and while things are pretty tight, we know where we stand.  There is a lot of peace that comes with that.  We know what we can spend and what we can’t.  It is great to know we will have the money set aside to pay our quarterly taxes when they come due on June 15, and won’t have to dip into savings again.  Just to give you a quick example of how God works through all of this:  This month, we had some unexpected expenses that weren’t covered with our budget.  We were going to need to cut about $35 from other areas of the budget.  The next day at church a generous man gave my wife and I each a $20 certificate that can be used for gas or groceries!!  He wanted to bless us from his economic stimulus check.  It couldn’t have come at a better time.  Our God is so good.  No worries, just keep the FAITH.  That’s the word God has been showing me a lot lately:  F-A-I-T-H. 

On a side note, I don’t want this to seem negative because it has actually been a very positive thing for us.  Learning to be disciplined is a good thing.  In addition, we understand that we have made some decisions that require sacrifice that I know we will never regret.  First of all, we have chosen for my wife to not work outside the home.  Again, friends inspired us to do this.  That was one of the best decisions we ever made.  Our children (and all of us for that matter) have benefitted from this more than words can say.  Secondly, we have a goal of paying off our mortgage in nine years.  We want to be totally debt free at the time our oldest leaves for college.  Granted, when we made that decision, finances were better, but I’m sure we will be glad we did when the time comes.  I kind of laugh when I hear people say that it takes two incomes to survive these days.  I realize that this truly is the case, sometimes, but the people I hear saying this are usually the ones who don’t want to sacrifice “the lifestyle”.  It’s all about priorities.

Well, I got long winded on this one.  Hope you found some helpful and encouraging information here.  If you have questions or comments feel free to express those in the “comments” and I’ll be happy to respond.  May God bless you as you get your financial house in order! 

Ten Key Moves – The Notebook

Today was graduation day from year two of Men’s Fraternity:  Authentic Manhood - Winning at Work & Home.  One of the main things we learned this year was the Paradox Principle.  Summed up, we must “die to live.”  In other words if we truly want life to the fullest we must die some to self by making sacrifices.  Remember, a seed planted in the ground dies in order for the plant to grow and be fruitful.  You might follow along on the series of posts I’m doing this month in honor of “Dad’s Who Get It”.  You will see some examples of dads who have grasped the Paradox Principle of dying to self in order to truly live. 

The main thing we did to graduate was turn in our “10 Key Moves to Make at Home or At Work That Will Take Me to the Next Level of Competency and Satisfaction.”  These are basically things that will require sacrifice on our parts, but will produce fruit long into the future.  As is typical for me I wrote and rewrote these several times before I came up with my final draft.  I’m still not certain I’m totally satisfied with it, but it is a good start.  Now, what usually happens with stuff like this is that it gets put in a folder and forgotten.  However, I believe these are so important that I can’t do that.  Therefore, to hold myself accountable, I’ve decided to post them one at a time and will keep them under a category of their own labeled “10 Key Moves”.  I will start with those that I plan to implement first or have already begun to implement, and from time to time may come back and give updates.  I truly question my sanity in sharing these things so publicly and openly.  However, I believe if I do that, I will be more likely to stick with it, and maybe along the way it will encourage my readers to be strategic and purposeful at home and work.  Again, I would highly recommend this course.  The link to Men’s Fraternity is contained on my blog home page.

The first key move is already somewhat underway, though I have not been as diligent in doing it as I was at first.  This will inspire me to get back on track.  See, it’s already working.   Anyway the first key move I plan to focus on is to live with my wife in an understanding way (I Peter 3:7).  I want to understand her unique design.  I want to understand what makes her tick, what makes her feel loved, what her personality type is, what her needs are, what her favorite things are.  This is not some mission to try to “figure her out.”  I want to be a student of who she is that I may understand and let her know she is loved and cherished.  In order to do this, I will keep a notebook that contains everything I learn about her.  It will contain things I learn about her love language, her personality, and her needs.  It will contain a list of her favorite things, things she mentions that she would like to have (so I’m not scrambling at birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, etc…), and it will also contain relevant information like her clothing sizes.  This may seem a little weird, but I know that I can’t remember all this stuff.  I would rather have it written down in a notebook than have to keep asking.  In addition, I will commit to reading a book, doing a study, or attending a conference each year on the topic of marriage.  My goal is to gain understanding so that I may help make my wife’s life more fulfilling and enjoyable.

Well, there it is: my first key move.  Feel free to hold me accountable in actually doing this.

May God bless you today at home and at work!