Happy “Sweet 16″ To My Sweetheart!

In about thirty minutes we will be putting our 8 year old on the van to go to camp.  Our other three kiddos are visiting relatives in Texas for the week.  What does that mean?  We’re totally “kidless” for the next 47 1/2 hours!!  So… we have decided to celebrate our anniversary a few days early… 37 days early to be exact.  Our anniversary is on July 31, which is always during Vacation Bible School.  Therefore, we are going to take full advantage of the opportunity to do it up right this year.  I will take tomorrow off and we’re going to spend the day together doing stuff that we used to do in the early years, such as throwing the Frisbee, going for a walk, possibly watching a movie from “back when”, lots of laughing, talking, going out to dinner, and I’m sure we’ll come up with more stuff.  I am going to refrain from wanting to “get stuff done” on this day off, and will totally focus my attention on my bride!  This evening, I will be helping a friend with a project.  While I’m doing that, my wife will have a chance to have some time to herself, and then she’ll have my undivided attention for the next 24 hours (or so).  We’re really looking forward to this time together!

I’ve decided that I’m going to list out 16 things that I love about my bride (not in any particular order and not an exhaustive list) :

1.  She loves Jesus and it shows.

2.  She is a loving wife.

3.  She loves and cares for our children so well.

4.  She is so self-less.

5.  She is beautiful inside and out.

6.  I love her laugh and her smile.

7.  She is compassionate.

8.  She is a good friend.

9.  She gives from her heart.

10.  She is intelligent AND has common sense.

11.  She is an awesome cook.

12.  She is thoughtful.

13.  She is a woman of prayer and great faith.

14.  She loves to have fun.

15.  She is confident and will try about anything… once.

16.  She is a good steward and is resourceful.

I could go on, but 16 is a good number for now.  I love this woman more today than I ever have, and 16 years ago I wouldn’t have thought that to be possible.  She is truly a gift from God, and along with salvation through Jesus, is a gift I don’t deserve but do cherish with all my heart.

Happy “Early” Anniversary, Sweeheart.  It truly is “Sweet 16.”  I love you.

May God continue to bless you as you bless others!

Spiritual Retreat

It is a beautiful day.  The rain has cleared and the sun is shining.  It was a perfect day for my spiritual retreat.  I rode my bike down the Jim Martinez Sunflower Trail.  I have a couple of favorite spots by the Arkansas River where I stop to spend time with God.  I had some great time of seeking God and listening.

Awhile back, during another spiritual retreat day, I asked God what His vision for my life was.  I believe that answer is becoming more and more clear as I have been spending time seeking Him and listening.  As I have been reading through the book of Nehemiah, I sense an urging to become a repairer of the breach that has taken place in families.  This includes leading men to be better spiritual leaders, husbands and fathers, helping people to grow spiritually and teaching them how to pursue God (after all, His Holy Spirit is our “in-house” Counselor!), helping strengthen marriages and families, and by standing in the gap for single parent families.  I’m not so arrogant as to think I’m perfect and can do all of this myself or in my own strength.  In fact, the whole thought of it kind of overwhelms me.  However, I am available for however God wants to use me.

I believe that all of the ministries that I’m responsible for can be aligned under this key vision of building the wall and repairing the breaches that are happening in families.  God is teaching me a lot about leadership, which will be crucial as I lead teams in making this happen.  He is also leading me toward getting more training in couseling.  My heart is wide open to His wisdom and leading.  Speak Lord, for your servant is listening.

May God bless your family!

Thirty-seven

Something hit me on May 2 when I turned 37.  It’s not usually a number that one would focus on.  It’s not one of the so-called “milestone” years.  However, something deep inside me says that 37  is going to be a significant year.  God has already been teaching me a great deal.  He has reminded me in gentle but firm ways that I need to be pursuing intimacy with Him first and foremost.  I have missed very few early morning hours with God over the past several years.  However, my journaling while spending time with God has dwindled to a few times a week.  Without my journal right there with me, my mind tends to wander, I tend to forget things that I really need to be praying about, and I don’t listen nearly as well.  In addition, I don’t have a way of going back to review what God has been teaching me.  When I use the journaling method that Dean Trune taught me, I am able to stay focused and my time with God is much richer and more meaningful.  Now, please don’t get me wrong.  I know I can pursue God and spend time with him any time of the day, no matter where I am, and whether I journal or not.  However, in order for me to really be focused and listening, I need to spend early morning, uninterrupted time with Him, and have my journal right there with me.  So far, I have journaled all 20 days of my 37th year, and I’m excited about what God is doing in my heart.

It is also helping that I’m going to bed earlier, so I can get up closer to 5:00 and have some time of exercise, too.  I feel so much more energetic when I have my time with God and some good exercise.  This morning, after my quiet time, I spent 15 minutes on the treadmill while watching a John Maxwell leadership video.  I have to do something while treadmilling or I can’t hardly stand it.   Today is the last day of school, so I can get part of my exercise by riding my bike to the office at least a few times a week.  So far, with the exception of the day I found water coming into our basement, I have stayed on course with my exercise plan since turning 37.  That’s huge for me.

Another thing that will make this a significant year is the fact that God is really teaching me some leadership skills right now.  Much of it is coming straight from the book of Nehemiah.  I’m planning to focus on a chapter of Nehemiah each day for the next thirteen days.  I’ll try to share what God is teaching me.  Today, I’ll talk about Chapter 1.

I am so impressed with what an incredible leader Nehemiah was!  I don’t know why I haven’t focused on him before.  He learns of a need that burdens his heart to the point of weeping.  Instead of going out on his own power to find a solution, he spends three or four months in prayer and fasting to God.  Take note:  prayer was his first action, not his last resort.  Oh, what power we would see as leaders if we would learn this.  His recorded prayer is so meaningful and powerful, complete with worship, confession (his sins and those of Israel), and petition, and it came straight from his heart.  One of my favorite parts is where he says “O Lord, let your ears be attentive to the prayer of this your servant and to the prayer of your servants who delight in revering your name.”  What would it look like for us to come together in prayer because we delight in revering God’s name?  Wow!

Another thing that has been brought to my attention is the fact that Nehemiah was very close to the king.  In fact, according to Dr. Howard Hendricks, a Bible professor specializing in Christian leadership at Dallas Theological Seminary, the cupbearer was second-in-command, kind of like the Prime Minister.  He was the only one who had direct access to the king and his own expense account.  In other words, he was living the good life in the palace.  In the world’s eyes, it would have been so easy to ignore the need in Jerusalem in order to continue living in comfort, but servant-leaders don’t do that.  Servant leaders seek God and put the needs of others before their own.

When I read and study the Bible, I always ask the question:  What is God teaching me through this?  How can this be applied in my life?  Well, I, too, have had a burden placed on my heart by God.  It’s not a physical wall that is broken down, but can be compared to that.  It’s the state of marriage and family.  I think the state of many marriages and families are much like the state of Jerusalem:  “in great trouble and disgrace because the walls are broken down and the gates have been burned with fire.”  Success rises and falls on the leadership, and that includes leadership in the family.  I believe that we, as men, are supposed to be spiritual leaders in the home.  We are supposed to be the gatekeepers, providing protection and security by staying close to God.  This includes praying for our families and fighting the spiritual battles through prayer and God’s Word.  I’m not saying that women can’t do this because they can and are usually very capable, but it should be done in addition to what their husbands are doing.  Too often, women find themselves as the spiritual leader because their husbands don’t step up.  I really believe it’s because they aren’t equipped.  Often, without the spiritual leadership of the husband, marriages fall apart, and families find themselves in a place of insecurity because the protective walls are broken down. 

As most of you know, I have a heart for ministry to single parent families.   I have a real burden for helping rebuild the walls, and standing in the gap that has been left most often by the father.  At the same time, I have a heart for counseling families and helping men become better leaders in their homes.  In these ways, maybe we can repair the walls before they disintegrate.  I want to continue to develop my skills in these areas.  My animal science degrees did not prepare me for this, although my mentor in college taught me skills that went far beyond the degree.  Through Nehemiah’s example, I plan to take time this summer in prayer and fasting for God to give me a vision for how best to do this.  I’m afraid I have tried for too long to do this in my own power and without the proper leadership skills being developed.  I’m finally on track. 

This will also be a good preparation for my first overseas mission trip to Thailand to minister to Karen refugees, including a village of mostly single moms and widows.  Yep, 37 is going to be a significant year in the Lord!

For you single moms who read my blog, remember:  Even though the walls may be knocked down, and  you may feel discouraged at times, take courage in Psalm 68:5 – “A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy dwelling.”  The King of Kings and the Lord of Lords is your protector and shield.

May God bless you as you spend time seeking Him and His vision for you!

Ten Key Moves – Dating My Wife

Well, here is the ninth move on my list of “Ten Key Moves” from Men’s Fraternity.  I believe it is one of the most important moves, but has been the most difficult to implement because of our busy schedule and and to a lesser degree, financial restraints.  It states, “<My wife’s name> and I will have a regular date night and at least one get-away per year without the children.  We will set aside time most evenings to talk.  I will let her know at all times that I love her, not just when I’m “feeling” loved.” 

Part of knowing my wife is to know her primary love language.  Without a doubt, her love language is “Quality Time.”  I’ve also learned in Love and Respect that one way to speak love to a woman is through closeness, which means face-to-face time.  God has blessed me with the gift of listening, so it is not hard for me to do.  We just find it difficult to find an uninterrupted time to spend talking.  We really need to set aside a regular time for this, but for now we just take advantage of whatever time we can.  For instance, this morning worked out for us.  We had some great “talk time” about all the deals she has been finding using her coupons.  She is also excited about a class that she and a friend are going to begin teaching on couponing and deal finding.  So, while talking about coupons is not my favorite subject, I am excited to see her excited and I care about the things she cares about.  I want to know what is going on in her world.  I’m also excited and very appreciative over the fact that she has already cut our monthly budget by $100 and has a goal of cutting it by $100 more.  I’m sure some of the things I get excited over don’t really interest her, but she is interested in me, so she listens.  I think that makes a huge difference for both of us. 

Anyway, not only will this be fun because we truly enjoy spending time together, it will continue to strengthen our marriage and will be good for our children.  If our relationship is strong, our children will have a more solid foundation for their future relationships.  Besides, when they are long gone, we will still have each other.  I don’t want to wake up one day with the kids all gone and realize she and I have no relationship anymore.  She is my best friend, the love of my life, and I do not want to neglect her.

So, I purpose to put God first and my wife next in priority

May God strengthen marriages in our fast-paced world, as we seek to put Him first.

Love and Respect

I am facilitating a Love and Respect class on Wednesday nights, and was thrilled to have 28 people attend our first class last night.  Ironically, when I talked to my mentor yesterday, I found out that his small group began the same study last week.  He told me that he has actually met and visited with Dr. Eggerichs, and believes him to be one of the best teachers on the topic of marriage.  From what I’ve seen, I have to agree.

In addition, our small group will be going through the Fireproof Your Marriage study beginning Sunday night.  Last Sunday we watched the movie together.  One of the lines from the movie that has stuck with me goes something like this, “Fireproof doesn’t mean that the fire won’t come, it just means that you’ll be able to withstand the fire when it does come.”  Anyway, it’s a great movie, and I look forward to the study. 

Back in October, we went to the Love and Respect conference and then went and saw the movie Fireproof right afterward.  It’s amazing how those two really complement one another.  It’s ironic that I’m now facilitating both studies at the same time…

So…  I am going to try to make it a point to write more about marriage and what we are learning in these two classes.  Once again, I am no expert (unless an expert is someone who understands how much he still doesn’t understand), but would like to pass along what I learn along the way.  One thing about it, though, is that it doesn’t matter how many books we read, conferences or classes we attend, or how much counseling we go to if we aren’t going to take it to heart and apply what we learn.  I liken this to when I was in school.  There were classes that I took out of obligation to get my degree.  I gritted my teeth and did what I had to do to get through the class.  However, my heart wasn’t in it, and I have rarely applied what I learned in those classes to my daily life.  I never made a career out of Literature or Fine Arts.  I took just the required number of classes in those subjects.  However, I took every agriculture class I could take.  My GPA was a 4.0 in my major.  I went on to a very good career in this field before God brought me into ministry.  Come to think of it, there is still much of what I learned in the area of leadership and teaching that I’m still applying today.

I now need to major in really knowing my wife and children.  I must be intentional in knowing how they tick and what makes them feel loved and secure.  It’s not going to matter if I go through these classes if I’m not going into it with the heart of wanting to understand my wife better and how to love her more deeply, and vice versa for her.  Our marriage is strong right now, but that doesn’t mean we start coasting.  We need to constantly be learning.  I’m afraid that many are gritting their teeth and just doing what they “have” to do to get by in their marriages (much like Caleb Holt was doing when he first began the Love Dare in the movie, Fireproof).  Their hearts aren’t in it anymore, and they aren’t seeing hope. 

Last night on the DVD, Dr. Eggerichs gave us a fresh look at Ephesians 5:33:  However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.  He talked about how the language of love comes naturally for women.  It is part of their nature to give and understand love.  That’s why God doesn’t have to command them to love.  However, the language of love does not come natural for men.  God had to command us to love our wives unconditionally (agape).  On the other hand, the language of respect comes naturally for men.  It is part of our nature to give and understand respect.  We would die for our wives out of honor, and that mustn’t be taken lightly.  It is something deep within us.  God doesn’t have to command us to respect, but He did command women to respect their husbands.  There is so much to this, and I’ll try to expand on it as time goes on. 

I have so many thing going through my head right now that I want to write, but I must narrow it down.  Since Valentine’s is just a few days away, let me talk about love languages for a minute.  This is applicable to spouses and children, alike.  Gary Chapman wrote two books about this, one for spouses and one for children.  However, they are very similar.  The five love languages are quality time, gifts, physical touch, words of affirmation, and acts of service.  We all have a primary love language, which refers to the action by other individuals that makes us feel the most loved.  For instance, when I spend quality time with my wife, away from the children, just talking and enjoying one another’s company (without hidden motives), this speaks great volumes of love to her.  If I give her a gift, it is appreciated, but is doesn’t fill her “love tank” like quality time does.  Other love languages should be incorporated in the relationship, but we should always make sure that the primary one is ”spoken” on a regular basis.  As a hint:  the one that your spouse or child most naturally speaks to others is often their own love language.  So, my challenge to you this Valentine’s Day (and every other day for that matter) is to speak the love languages of your loved ones. 

Now, another bit of advice regarding Valentine’s Day: Guys, don’t get her something that is actually a gift for yourself, if you get my drift…  Ladies, now you know what he wants for Valentine’s.   Just kidding – Let me debunk the myth that all men have the same love language, and that it’s a three letter word…  While we are designed by God to be sexual in nature, and it is one of our top three needs there is more to us than this.  We also need to be respected, and we each have a love language.  Now, please allow me to say something to both husbands and wives that I’ve learned over time:  If men will learn to be loving and if women will learn to be respectful on a day-to-day basis, AND if we will speak the love languages of our spouses on a regular basis FROM THE HEART, the physical intimacy will be incredible.  There is no easy formula, and it takes a lot of time and effort to get to know our spouses at this level, but it is more than worth it to have a marriage that glorifies God and exemplifies the relationship of Christ with His bride, the church.

This brings up one more thing.  If you want true intimacy in your human relationships, you must first build an intimate relationship with the Lord.  Everything hinges on this.  God’s blessings come when we put Him first and foremost in our lives.  I’ve written on this topic before, so  I’ll leave you with that for today. 

If anyone wants to start a dialogue, especially those going through one of these classes, please feel free.  I’m always willing to converse and learn!

May God bless your relationships as you seek Him!

Respect

Where do I start?  I’ve had all these things that I’ve wanted to write, but have been so incredibly busy that I haven’t been able to do so.

Last Friday I substitute taught for a class of fourth graders.  I thought it would be easier than the sixth graders that I had a few weeks ago.  WRONG!!!  I’ll be honest – I had a horrible day.  They were extremely disrespectful, rude, and didn’t care.  I won’t go any farther than that.  In fact, I’m trying to forget that day, except what God taught me through it.

On Friday night and Saturday until noon, my wife and I and a couple we’re good friends with went to the Love and Respect Conference.  I was mentally fried after my day at the school, but I was looking forward to the time with my wife, the time with our friends, and to the conference.  By the time we got to the conference, I was much better.  Anyway, Dr. Eggrichs explained how a man’s deepest need is respect and a woman’s deepest need is love.  We are commanded in Ephesians 5 for husbands to love their wives unconditionally and for wives to respect their husbands unconditionally.  God has to command us in that way because it’s not natural.  Respect is a language that men, for the most part, naturally speak, but love is like a foreign language.  We can speak it, but it will take practice.  Love is a language that women, for the most part, naturally speak, but respect is like a foreign language.  Again, you can learn it, but it takes practice.  God commands us to speak the others language, and it isn’t always easy.  He also talked about how even our churches teach love, love, love, but not respect.  For a woman to ask to be loved and to be upset when she’s not being loved, is common and people come to her defense.  On the other hand, if men are upset about not being respected, it is viewed as arrogant and selfish.  There is much more to it than this, but that is the general idea.

So, I got to thinking about my day.  No wonder I was feeling shot down.  I had not been respected.  I feel respected at home, at church, among my friends and peers, etc…, but this was far different than I was used to.  I’m used to the children at church treating me with respect and responding to my authority.  At our Christian school, the children also respect me.  I didn’t think it was too much to ask for respect in the classroom.  In fact, I told them that respect for me, respect for each other, respect for the other teachers, and respect for school property were my expectations.  Later, as I was licking my wounds while sitting through the conference, it dawned on me that if we aren’t teaching this concept in our churches, our society is certainly not teaching it.  Therefore, these young people probably had no concept of what I was saying.  Where would they hear the message of respect?  Men on television (the only men many of them are exposed to) are, for the most part, lazy, bumbling idiots with no morals.  In other words, they aren’t respectable.  Many of the children come from single parent homes where they live with their moms and their dads aren’t involved in their lives.  At school, their teachers are normally women.  At church (if they go), their Sunday School teachers are normally women.  Women don’t naturally speak the “respect language” so where, I ask again, are they going to learn it?  We men need to step up through teaching our own children and mentoring other children about honor and respect.  It is not arrogant.  It is a God-given virtue.

I wish I could write more right now, but I have other things demanding my attention…

As far as our marriage goes, this past weekend was AWESOME, and I hope to write about it soon.

May God give you wisdom and insight as you love and respect your spouse (and others in your lives).

Intimacy

Hmmm…  I wonder how many hits I will get with a title like that.   Our society has taken this word and really twisted it.

No worries, this is G-rated.  I am teaching a spiritual growth class on Wednesday nights.  Last night, I taught a spiritual journaling method used by Dean Trune, that I also use.  He says, and I agree, that it’s not about the method but about deepening our intimacy with God.  This isn’t about keeping a diary but about recording moments with God.  I looked up the word “intimacy” in the Webster’s online dictionary and it said, “1a.  Intrinsic, essential, b. belonging to or characterizing one’s deepest nature. 2.  marked by very close association, contact, or familiarity. 3. a. marked by a warm friendship developing through long association b. suggesting informal warmth or privacy. 4.  of a very personal or private nature.”  I want a relationship like this with God.  I want to abide in Him where my deepest nature is characterized by my relationship with Him.  I want a friendship with God that develops through long association.  I want to pursue God in my private life, not just corporately.  Dean teaches that we must teach people to pursue God in their private lives so they will produce fruit in their public lives.  It doesn’t work the other way around.  Often we try to pursue ministry or activity to try to “please God.”  However, we please God by abiding in Him and having an intimate relationship with Him where we come to know Him more and more.  THEN, we will know what He wants us to do and will have the faith to step out in obedience.  THEN, the fruit produced will be abundant and long lasting.  I heard a quote within the last week that went something like this, “Activity does not produce intimacy.”  Wow, how true that is!!  When we are so busy with activities, our relationship with God and people can suffer.  When we are too busy to stop and spend time with God, pursuing Him through prayer and spending time in His Word, we lose intimacy with Him.  If we are too busy with activities, we lose intimacy in our families.  Where did we ever start thinking we needed to fill every moment of the calendar with activity?  God does not call us to activity, but to intimacy.  Yes, sometimes, activity can be a result of what God has called us to do, but when God calls us to it, there will be balance.  I believe overcrowded schedules, full of activity, are ruining intimacy between people and God, between husbands and wives, between parents and children, and between friends.  Tell me this, where would intimacy grow most:  saying a quick, “Oh God be with me today” prayer as we walk out the door or sitting down with God to pray before everyone wakes up and before the day gets underway?  How about this scenario:  taking our child to (yet another) sporting event and cheering from the sidelines or taking the same child out in the backyard and throwing the ball or taking them on a walk where they could talk?  One more:  In the mini-van cramming down another Big Mac on the way to another activity or having a backyard bbq with your family and maybe inviting an elderly neighbor?  Seems like a no brainer, right?  Well, we often don’t go against our culture.  Instead, we get caught up in the tide and let it take us down the river of destruction.  I understand that team sports and other activities have their place, and I’m not promoting that we cut every activity from the schedule.  However, I also have to keep in mind that I’m not primarily raising basketball players, gymnasts, or pianists.  I’m raising the next generation of moms and dads.  They need to know how to have close, intimate relationships with their spouses and children, and in our society, that goes against the grain.  Jesus said to abide in Him.  God said to be still and know that He is God.  Those are times when intimacy flourishes…

May I also recommend Kevin Lehman’s book:  Homecourt Advantage

Psalm 42:1 – As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, Oh God!!

May you draw near to God today and grow in intimacy with Him.

Reflections From “The Fair”

Yesterday was the last day of the Kansas State Fair.  Our family enjoys the fair each year.  We usually set aside one day to see the exhibits and the animals and one day to do the rides.  This year was a little tricky because of all the rain, but it all worked out.  Having a degree in animal science, I especially enjoy going through the barns, telling my children about the different breeds of animals, etc…  My son really enjoys when we make animal sounds together.  I’ve been told I can make a life-like “moo.”  Must come from spending so much time around cattle in college.  One of our family favorites in the past has been the “birthing center,” although this year they only had one cow.  It was very disappointing, as they usually have 4 or 5 dairy cows and about the same number of sows.  My children have enjoyed petting the piglets and calves in the past, but didn’t get to do that this year.  The petting zoo made up for it though, as they got to pet and feed a zebra, camel, deer, giraffe, etc…  My personal favorite is seeing the Watusi cattle.  I’m just amazed at their huge horns.  I even talked to one of the breeders for a few minutes and felt led to ask him if I could be praying about anything for him.  He’ll be traveling a lot, so he asked for prayers about that.  Anyway, as far as I’m concerned, you can keep the “Midway” and all the rip off games, crowds, high priced junk food, and rides that make me sick.  I’ll stick to the country side of the fair.  Boots, Wranglers, men whose handshake is like gripping a brick covered in leather, big trucks, animal smells, stepping in “stuff”- there’s just nothing like it.   Of course, in saying that, I’ll have to say that one of my fair highlights this year was when my oldest daughter gave up the chance of riding another ride by herself in order for us to ride one together.  She only had two tickets left, and she asked me to ride one with her.  We rode ”The Blizzard,” which I was more familiar with being called the “Himalaya.”  Anyway, it goes around and around up and down really fast forwards then backwards to the sound of loud music.  Just to get her to laughing, I was putting my hands up in the air, yelling “WHOOOO” and basically acting like a goof.  It will make for good memories…   

On another note, my wife and I had talked about seeing if we could work at the fair to help make a little extra money, but didn’t pursue it.  Well, on Tuesday I got a call from a friend who had a friend who had a friend…  To make a long story short, we were offered the opportunity to work for one of the vendors.  My prayer was that it would not just be about making extra money, but that we would be able to encourage someone through it.  Not only did God bless us with the opportunity to work with a really nice Christian couple, but I met their son who trains leaders in the U.S. and in foreign countries in youth ministry.  I encouraged him by adding him to my regular weekly prayer list.  I also worked the first day with a single mom and was able to share with her about our ministry.  God is so good.  We ended up making enough to cover our September budget, and met some great people while doing it.

I worked from 3:00 to 11:00 p.m. on Saturday.  Let me just say that I’m fascinated with “people watching.”  I especially enjoy observing how parents interact with their children and how couples interact.  At the fair, there are so many different people from all walks of life.  For instance, there was the “filthy rich guy” who wouldn’t spring the extra couple of bucks for a lemonade (according to the owner), and then there was the guy who came back twice to buy pretzels and cheese for his two daughters.  When he was there the second time, I heard one of his daughters say, “Daddy, can you help me…”  To my utter dismay and disgust, he looked at her and said, “Where were you when I needed help in ‘nam?”  Seriously???  The little girl was probably 6 years old and had no clue what he was saying, just that it was mean spirited and she didn’t get the help she was asking for.  I won’t tell you the fleshly thoughts that went through my mind about what I would like to do to him, but it had to do with his head and the cast iron sandwich grill sitting next to me.  Forgive me, I was raised around good ol’ country justice…  I have since said a prayer that God would forgive me for my attitude toward him and that he would send someone into this man’s life who can mentor him.  Then, there was the boy who accidently backed up and stepped on his dad’s toe.  His dad lashed out at him, and while I couldn’t hear what he was saying, the boy’s face told the story.  He looked beaten down and belittled, and I could tell this wasn’t the first time.  Of course, on the other side of the spectrum, you could tell the children who got everything they wanted and didn’t have to do anything themselves, which isn’t healthy, either.  I saw lots of young men (dare I use that word??) who had no clue how to love and respect the young ladies (dare I use that word, too??) they were with.  I could see in their eyes and by their actions what was on their mind, and it wasn’t valuing their date.  It didn’t help that their dates were wearing next to nothing in many cases.  On both sides, I believe it’s another tragic result of the lack of godly fathering or quite possibly no fathering at all:  boys who haven’t been taught by their fathers how to treat a lady and girls who will do anything for attention.  Believe me, I’ve been there.  When my wife and I first started dating, I didn’t have a clue, either.  I often pray for my children’s future spouses because they are hopefully in training right now, and although I don’t know them, I believe God does.  I did see couples and families who seemed to be happy to be together.  In fact, I saw an older couple who looked to be as much in love today as ever.  I love to see that.  Makes me want to follow them around and learn, maybe even ask them for an interview.  I’m glad that my wife is my best friend and that we enjoy being together.  In fact, she sent me an email earlier today that said “Thanks for being my best friend.”  You don’t know what that does to my heart to hear her say that.  I once had a wise math teacher in seventh grade who said his wife enjoyed when he told her that he loved her, but REALLY appreciated when he said, “I like you.”  Well, you can see how long that has stuck with me.  And, while I don’t get it right all the time and I say or do things that I later regret, especially with my children, I’m thankful to God for His amazing grace in our weaknesses.  I want to do better at being a student of my wife and my children so I will know how to love them better.  I will put forth my honest effort, and have faith that God will bless it when I am putting Him first.  I’m thankful that Jesus is at the center of our marriage and our home.

May God bless your family today!

Fireproof Your Marriage

I just learned of a new movie coming out September 26 from the creators of Facing the Giants.  It is called Fireproof, and is centered around saving a marriage.  I just watched the trailer and can’t wait to see the movie.  Here is a link, if you would like to see the trailer:

http://www.fireproofthemovie.com/main.php

In a day and age where marriages are under fire everywhere we look, I am happy to try to promote something like this.

Also, while I’m at it, for you ”locals,” there is a Love and Respect conference that will be held in Wichita at Central Community Church on October 3 and 4.  In fact, the lady who brought the promotional materials to us yesterday also donated a copy of Love and Respect for our church library.  I would highly recommend this book and conference for all couples.  Here is the website for more information on registration:

http://www.centralcommunity.org/loveandrespect

If you want more information on Dr. Emerson Eggerichs and his Love and Respect Ministries, go to http://www.loveandrespect.com or click on the link located on my blog homepage under “Marriage”.

May God bless your marriage!

Man Down…But Not for the Count

I am back after being at camp and then a quick trip to see family in central Texas.  I wish I had all kinds of warm and fuzzy things to write about from the trip, but I’m afraid it’s just the opposite.  I could choose to just skip those days and write about yesterday and today, but I would feel like a fake.  I have always tried to be real with you, my readers.  Therefore, I feel like I need to share the good and bad.  Hopefully, you can find encouragement and wisdom in both.  If I can help save you from a pitfall, then it will have been worth it.  I never want to come across as having some kind of perfect “Leave It To Beaver” life where I do all the right things and know just what to say, etc…  I’m no Ward Cleaver, just ask my family.  I make my share of mistakes.  I do have a desire to be a man after God’s own heart like David, but even he sinned, and I’m no different.

This weekend, I had a chance to spend some real quality time with my family.  We went to see my wife’s parents and all of her family came in to celebrate her stepdad’s birthday.  They live close to the lake, and have a swimming pool within sight of their house.  They have a golfcart that the kids love to drive all over the neighborhood.  My oldest is actually getting pretty good at driving it.  Even with all of this, I got blindsided with a darkness that came over me that I couldn’t shake.  I was emotionally withdrawn and “checked out”.  I was spiritually weak – I tried to spend time with God but my heart wasn’t in it.  My mind was filled with anxious thoughts of everything going on in life.  I was physically exhausted.  Normally, if I sleep past 7:00 a.m., I’m probably sick or was up all night.  Someone should have been checking my pulse because I slept past 9:00 three days in row.  This made me feel lazy, making things worse.  My least favorite word in the Bible is sluggard, and I felt like one.  I was quiet and disengaged, and didn’t feel like eating (more than that I was being stubborn and wouldn’t eat much).  I was very quiet and sometimes snappy with the kids on the 9 plus hour drive home.  Then, yesterday I was hit with the regret of a missed opportunity of really having fun with my wife and kids.

As I was thinking about all of this, I had determined that I had forgotten how to relax and have fun.  Without a schedule, I didn’t know how to act.  However, I now realize it was much more than that.  I cried out to God yesterday morning to deliver me from the darkness.  I don’t normally just randomly flip through the Bible, but I did yesterday morning.  I came across Psalm 139.  Verses 23-24 really hit me:  “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”  I prayed that verse.  I prayed on the bike ride into the office that God would deliver me.  Slowly, God revealed to me what was going on.  While I was at camp, I was able to run with the kids for the first time and not get winded.  Because I’m eating better, have dropped 20 lbs, have been riding my bike to work and have been push mowing my “nearly one acre” I am in better physical shape than I have been in years.  I hadn’t really noticed it until camp.  That’s what motivated me to get on the bike yesterday morning in spite of the fact that I hadn’t been on it in about two weeks and it was supposed to be in the upper 90’s yesterday afternoon.  I like the feeling of being in good physical condition, though it takes discipline.  Once I got to the office, I decided to read a few emails before hitting the shower.  A couple of comments on my blog stuck out for some reason.  Since it had been a week or so since I had blogged, I couldn’t even remember what I had wrote.  When I read it, it all hit me like a ton of bricks.  I had been really pumped up about the idea of a retreat for single parent families.  Ideas were flooding in, and I couldn’t get my mind off of it.  DUH!!!  I was under spiritual attack.  The enemy was trying to side track me.  He unloaded on me with both barrels, and I was too out of shape spiritually to recognize the spiritual warfare.  My prayer time and time in the Word has been so stale and routine.  My heart has not been in it.  Therefore, I was not ready for battle.  I got caught in guerrilla warfare with my armor down, and the enemy let me have it.  I was letting anxious thoughts about finances (personal and church) and the future overtake my mind instead of paying attention to what God was doing around me.  Pride and impure thoughts were running amuck.  It kills me that my wife and kids were caught in the crossfire with their spiritual leader not prepared for battle.  That should not happen.  A soldier should always be prepared for battle.  I didn’t even have the wisdom to call my prayer partners or my band of brothers.  I just let it happen.

Yesterday, God encouraged me through a perfectly timed call from a friend / prayer partner and an email from a friend who cares.  Before I left the office, I shot off an email to my band of brothers for accountability and prayers.  In fact, I saw one of them last night, and he encouraged me.  When I got home last night, I uttered a pretty poor apology to my wife, who was still visibly hurt by the whole thing, and rightfully so.  She thought I didn’t want to be there with she and her family.  She thought I would rather have been at home working on projects.  She apologized for even asking me to go on the trip.  That made me feel so much more like a jerk.  I tried to explain, but my heart was hurting so much for hurting her that I couldn’t even give an explanation.  I didn’t have the words to say because everything sounded so lame and pitiful.  I owe her so much more than that.  This morning, I reflected back on the verse from yesterday, and I asked God to restore me to Himself.  I had some great time with Him this morning, and feel restored.  As I was leaving our neighborhood on the bike this morning, in the field west of our addition, there were two deer grazing while their three fawns played.  To me it was a sign that today is a new day to anticipate God’s wonders.  To top it off, when I got to the office, I had an email from one of my “brothers” who reminded me to stand on the truth, not on what I was feeling.  He said many other encouraging things that really lifted me up.  Yesterday, I had said that I may even quit blogging because I wasn’t living out what I was writing.  He told me not to quit, so here I am blogging once again.  What in the world would I do without a loving God, family, and friends?  I shutter to think of it.

I know this is a long entry, but one last story…  Last night, we had our last coach pitch softball game of the season.  In fact, it was my oldest daughter’s last coach pitch game ever because next year she will move up to the next level.  She really wanted to win this game.  Normally, this particular team is pretty feared in the league.  When I discovered we were playing them for our last game, my heart sunk.  However, they only had 6 kids show up to play, and just before the game their coach got hit in the face with a ball, breaking her glasses (she was okay).  She was pitching with a borrowed pair of contact lenses (I’m sure there is some devotional lesson to a story like that, but I better move on).  Anyway, it had rained earlier in the day and the field was pretty muddy, especially behind home plate.  We kept having to clean the ball.  Inspite of all that, our kids were hitting the ball like nobody’s business.  I could be wrong, but I think every kid got at least one hit last night.  In addition, the kids had their heads in the game and really played well defensively.  I was so proud of them.  I don’t know the exact score, but I think we won something like 14-3.  We were all so happy, you would have thought we had just won the World Series.  Afterward, we had a swim party, and I even got in to join them.  In fact, I was one of the last ones to leave the pool at around 11:00.  I ended up playing with my son for awhile at the end.  I was trying to get him to jump in the water, but fear was keeping him back.  He wanted me to hold his hands and then he would jump.  I kept encouraging him to just jump.  Finally, he got to where he would sit on the ladder and fall into my arms.  He kept saying, ”More jump, Daddy” and “Do it again, Daddy.”  He was having a blast.  At least I didn’t miss that opportunity.  It reminds me that we have a loving God who wants us to jump into His arms.  We have nothing to fear.  Especially in our times of weakness, He is calling us to rely on His strength and not our own. 

May you seek God first today and stay spiritually fit and ready for the battle!